HO-hum

September has always been a "ho-hum" feeling whenever it comes every year.  I can't really explain why I feel this way.  The month can always be a happy one, a sad one, or just another month.  The past couple of years, September has been a downer.  Two years ago, we were celebrating my mom's 73rd birthday, then we lost her forever a couple of months later.  Last year, the first birthday celebration (of my mom's and myself) without her around... I felt there was no reason for me to enjoy my 35th birthday.  I felt that I should just be in my solitude, remembering my mom and how much I love her and missed her.  This year, 2012, I still feel "eh" inside.  I've been sad and angry because I know that deep down inside that I'm still mourning for my mom.  Her birthday is in a week, and feel like I should keep that memory alive.  I want to celebrate her birthday like she did, her last one.  However, it hurts inside that I can't just run into her room, like I always did, and wake her up with a "Happy Birthday" greeting.  Tears now drop down my face as I reminisce on those days.

However I may feel, I realize that life definitely goes on.  September 14 will always be the day that I will remember my mom.... Whatever I may do to remember and celebrate my mom, I know that she will always be there with me.  I can hear her now... "Don't be shedding tears for me!"  SO, here are to the happy memories... ho-hum...