The Thoughts

I have been through many ups and downs in my life.

Broken hearts, love... Anger, loss... Struggles just to have a life I feel I deserve...

I spent yesterday morning full of resentment. I wasn't exactly angry, per we, but resentful. 

In a way, I acted a bit selfish by putting my needs first. It stemmed from the fact that I didn't want to go to school. I just wanted to lock myself up in my room, bundle up under the blankets, and lay in bed with no one to disturb me - that included my husband, my dad, and even the dog.

I know, due to circumstances, my husband stays home. The way I see it? Hubs can do whatever he wants, go wherever he his able to get to, sleep for as long, or little, as he can or wants. Me? The responsibilities kick in. I have a job where I deal with people I don't want to deal with for eight (VERY LONG) hours. I hate driving. A 15 minute (sometimes 20-25 minutes going home) commute is very long for me. Have I mentioned that I HATE driving? So, just the thought of having to get up to go to work, let alone DRIVE to work, adds to the feelings.

Anyway, to bring everything back to perspective, the resentment carries on. I feel that the burden falls unto me. I feel like I often cannot enjoy the life that I want... I deserve... Now, don't get me wrong. This isn't necessarily directed to anyone.  This is all because of the circumstances of my current life. It all a feeling of no sense of control. I often find it as a punishment where one thing wrong leads to another. I resent the fact that I see people doing things, enjoying things, having things...

I should not feel this way... 

Music - A Quiz Thing (Part 4)

Opening Credits: When I Was Your Man - Jasmine Thompson

Waking Up: It's Going To Take Some Time - Carpenters

First Day of School: Blank Space - Taylor Swift

Falling in Love: Say Something - Alex & Sierra (The X Factor USA)

Fight Song: When I'm Gone - Eminem

Breaking Up: You - Chris Young

Prom: Cruisin' - Smokey Robinson

College Life: I Only Have Eyes For You - Frank Sinatra & Count Basie

Mental Breakdown: Suspicious Minds - Elvis Presley

Getting Back Together: Feels Like Tonight - Daughtry

Wedding: You'll Lose A Good Thing - Barbara Lynn

Birth of a Child: Home - Michael Bublé

Final Battle: Can't Help Falling In Love - Elvis Presley

Funeral Song: I Run To You - Lady Antebellum

Ending Credit: Hero - Mariah Carey

Mina's Spring Recital ~ 05.26.15

I am so proud of my niece!!!  Here is her solo performance at her school's Spring Recital!

Life Can Be Unfair

Recently, I have had feelings of anger... disappointment... anxiety...

There have been times where I feel that everything that happens seem to go wrong.

There have been times where I have experienced one thing where I feel lost, where I cannot connect with anyone.  However, those that have encountered similar situations do not receive the same treatments, feelings.

Shared Page

Hello, Readers,

Please welcome my husband, Rob, to the blog!  Every once in awhile, he'll be posting... Just as I have before, it will be full of thoughts, ideas, stories, etc.... Enjoy! ~MB~

Feeling Sick

I often wonder if I am slightly a hypochondriac. I've had horrible migraines, sore throats and stomach ailments. However, I can never pinpoint the cause of it. Is it my diabetes? Is it allergies? Did I eat something my body didn't agree with? It could be one, or some, or all if it! Who knows?

This sick feeling makes me start to wonder how I live my life. It isn't necessarily the best kind of life... It's the life of convenience and the right decisions. I have no excuses for it, so I may be punishing my body.

I seriously hate this feeling. I live my on medications, which will be for my whole entire life. So, medications to make me feel better? I'd rather feel crappy, and wonder if it's all in my head!

New Transitions

Changes have occurred recently - for both myself and my husband. Both have been a positive aspect in the troublesome 4+ years that we have endured. Between job losses and personal losses, there have been times where the worst of me had wanted to give up.

Merry Christmas!

I just wanted to share a picture of our Christmas tree in the office... Here's wishing everyone a wonderful holiday!!!

Music - A Quiz Thing (Take 3)

Opening Credits: Feel Like Home - Ft. Minor

Waking Up: Too Much Rain - Paul McCartney

First Day of School: Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

Falling in Love: Regulate - Nate Dogg & Warren G

Fight Song: Rolling in the Deep - Adele

Breaking Up: With You - Linkin Park

Prom: I'll Make Love to You - Boyz II Men

College Life: So Far... - Eminem

Mental Breakdown: Forgotten - Linkin Park

Getting Back Together: Can't Help Falling in Love - Ingrid Michaelson

Wedding: Baby - Brandy

Birth of a Child: The Moment You Were Mine - Regine Velasquez

Final Battle: Crawling - Linkin Park

Funeral Song: Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen

Ending Credit: Turn Me On - Kevin Lyttle

Disappointment

Has there ever been a moment where you place all your trust in a person just to have it ruined by one thing? Well, tonight I felt that I just went through all that. I feel so hurt that i just want to ball up in a corner to cry. It is just so disappointing that I seriously can feel my heart ache. It makes me question how much respect I actually do get from a person that I feel so easily hurt from this. It often feels exhausting to even try and put up a fight to voice out how this makes me feel. It hurts even more the person doesn't even want to hear it. It makes me cry that I don't even get an "I'm sorry" from all this. It's these kinds of moments were I've lost hope... Given up... Not wanting to deal with it anymore... Just walk away...

Speech Communication - Public Speaking

School has started this week, yesterday to be exact.  I have three classes this term - a full-time schedule - with two on-campus and one online.  The one online?  Well, that's the one I would like to talk about.  You see, the class online is a Public Speaking class.  One may wonder how that may work... I do, too... I thought about the whole entire time I was on school break.  So much anticipation has built up over what might occur during this class that I didn't even get the chance to enjoy my summer break.  Sad, isn't it?

Well, the anticipation (and the slight anxiety) has dissipated, and I know have a better understanding as to how it works.  A majority of the class requires A LOT OF WRITING.  I have come to realize, however, that the THREE English classes that I have taken (with Professor Taylor and Baxley) definitely has not prepared me for writing.  I now need to re-learn MLA format to write my essays for this Speech class.  In addition, Professor Daly has explained how we will be presenting our speeches.  He has stated that we will either send him a video file or present it to a group or Toastmasters (there are several options he has mentioned).

Week 1 begins.... not a lot of reading, but a lot of writing.  Also, one self-assessment!  How would one do an analysis?  I'll let you know once I figure it out!

The BFF's Bridal Shower 05/05/13

Highlighted pictures to celebrate my best friend!

Pictures to share

Purchased a new camera.  It's been five or six years since we had a new digital camera.  The two that we have were just starting to get kaput!  One had a battery that just couldn't hold a charge anymore (and was missing a screw - ssshhhhhhh!), while the other still functioned fine.  However, the quality wasn't as great as it used to be.  The brand new one works great!  Here's a few (nice) test shots that I've taken today...

New Beginnings

Easter comes upon us on Sunday. It represents NEW LIFE, thus, new beginnings.  Monday, April 1st, brings on a new start. I begin my internship on that day with Merit Lilin, a company that provides monitoring systems.  It is the "break" that I have been needing since I was permanently "laid off" by Tetra Tech almost a year and a half ago.  This internship, though it is unpaid, is something that will eventually lead me to the career that I have been longing to have since I went to CSUF 19 years ago.

Fingers crossed that things will go well... Update on Monday!

Cauliflower Crust Pizza

I have attempted yet another Pinterest recipe.  I was searching through the "pins," and came across a pizza recipe that uses CAULIFLOWER, instead of pizza dough.

To begin with, you will need:

FOR THE CRUST:

• Half of a large cauliflower
• 1 large egg
• 1 cup mozarella cheese, thinly shredded
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 1/2 tsp minced garlic (dry or fresh)
• 1/2 tsp onion salt

FOR THE TOPPINGS:

• 1/2 c tomato-basil marinara or pizza sauce
• 1/2 c mozarella cheese, thinly shredded
• Canadian bacon, sliced
• 1/2 c pineapple tidbits

*PLEASE NOTE:  You can use any kind of sauce and toppings.  I enjoy Hawaiian pizza, so opted to make it this way.

Grate the cauliflower with the box grater, using the big holes, until you have approximately 2 cups.
Microwave the cauliflower for 8 minutes to dry it out.

Next, add the egg, cheese and spices.  Mix together.
Preheat the oven to 450ºF.
Spray a 9" round pizza pan or cookie sheet with nonstick spray.

Press the cauliflower mixture onto the pan (as above).
Spray top of "crust" with nonstick spray.

Heat in oven for 10-15 minutes or golden brown.

Add sauce and 1/4 cup of shredded cheese.
Then, top with Canadian bacon and pineapple.
Finally, top the pizza with the remaining cheese.

Set oven to broil, and put pizza under broiler for 3-4 minutes (or until cheese melts).

From the bottom of my heart...

It's been over a couple of years since my mom passed away. There isn't a day that doesn't go by where I don't come across something that will remind me of what she said or did. I still can't believe that she isn't here, and I truly miss her. OK, so my point for this blog was because, the the first couple of episodes, "Army Wives" has done a farewell tribute of some sort to Kim Delaney's character, Claudia Joy Holden. As I watched these two episodes, I closely related to Emmalin, the character's youngest and only surviving daughter. I felt her grief, her sorrows and tears, her need to drop everything to care for her father. I went through that. It brought me back to that day I walked through the front door, and received the news from my dad.... the day of my mom's memorial.... her cremation... and finally, bringing her to the Philippines for her final resting place. I was heartbroken that my mom had requested all of this. The thought of not having her close for me to visit her. However, I knew that she will always be with me in spirit. I was saddened over the thought of not having her at my college graduation, watch me get married, and to hold her grandchild -- everything that Emmalin wished that Claudia Joy would be sharing these memories with her.

I am now beginning to feel OK with my mom being gone in her physical state. Every once in awhile, I feel her spirit around me. Every so often, the grief that I have felt for almost two and a half years comes back, in particular, the holidays. There are times I would recall with my husband all the best memories I have of my mom. Those are sometimes the happiest, but yet the saddest times I will feel.

Ok, well, I thank you for letting me share this...

Becoming an Active College Reader

The reading assignment for my English Composition class has a few suggestions on how to be an "active college reader."  The author, Santi Buscemi, states the following:

● Preparing to read: Survey
● Reading and taking notes: Engage the text
● Writing an informal outline: Strengthen your grasp of the text
● Conversing with the text: Read it again
● Summarizing: Make what you have read your own
● Responding and Critiquing: Evaluate what you have read
● Synthesizing: Bring ideas together in a new statement

All excellent suggestions to help become a better reader, and eventually a better writer!  I do admit that these have all been suggestions, but never taken seriously during my early years.  This will allow me to see my reading in a different perspective!

OK, don't mind what I have next... these are some favorite "quotes" or tips that I liked in my reading of the assignment.

"Reading, like writing, involves discovery."

"Be skeptical; don't believe everything you read.  After all, even villains and liars have had their works published."

"Summarizing improves comprehension."

Writing

I started an English Composition class this week. My reading assignments consists of writing exercises that we will not be using as practice for class. Thus, I figured that I could use them every once in awhile as a prompt to use as a blog. I don't necessarily believe that I will find anything useful to put on here, but it's worth the try. I have always found "structured" writing as an intimidating activity. It has never been my strong point all through out my education. I always did best when it came to freewriting, but never a success when assigned a topic. Hopefully, this could be something to guide me as my education continues. *fingers crossed*

Pinterest Experiment #2 and #3 ~ Ranch Mushrooms & Mini Taco Bites

I've completed my 2nd dish Sunday evening, the mushrooms. I did a trial sample, and found them to be OK. However, for New Year's Eve dinner, I decided to cut them in half, and put the temp for the slow cooker on high during the last hour. Turned out way better than the first try.

I also made the mini taco bites. I didn't find the wonton wrappers (square) as suggested. I went to a Filipino supermarket, and they only had gyoza wrappers (round) available.  I much prefer the round wrappers. I managed to shape them into a four-leaf clover shape inside the mini muffin tins. They were a bit difficult to fill with meat at first, but I quickly learned to fill them within the round areas.

Mini Taco Bites

Ranch Mushrooms

Pinterest Addict

I have discovered that I have a lot of time on my hands. School break and being unable to sleep until five in the morning has me trolling through the Pinterest boards. I've also been scanning websites for different ideas, and found that "pinning" them as a reminder has been extremely helpful.

I turned to Pinterest this evening to make a midnight snack for the hubby and me. The results are in the picture! I made waffles using the cinnamon rolls in the can as my base... simple and yummy!

I'll be trying two more things from Pinterest for New Year's Eve (see my previous post).

Happy Pinning!