Why are some things not so easy to let go? I do not know if it is anger, bitterness, or what, but the emotions that I have felt over the last couple of days seem to hover over my head. I do know that for some reason my feelings are so hurt right now (I have literally been on the verge of tears). It hurts so much knowing that my own boyfriend cannot talk to me when there is something bothering him. It makes me feel like I am not a part of his world. Maybe I am being childish about all this, but why should I let him know why I am angry or upset or pissed off at the world? What support can he give me when he will not let me do the same for him?
It is frustrating when I see him, and I can see it in his eyes that something is bothering him. Nevertheless, he always tells me that there is nothing wrong. How am I supposed to believe that? Looking at the ceiling/wall randomly, acting rather distant… not really talking to me does not seem fair to me. I want to be supportive of all and everything going on, but I cannot do anything like that if I am not sure what is going on. I think that over the last couple of weeks I have had more stress with all this frustration than I do from work & school combined.
I feel lost… I feel hurt… In addition, I do not know what to do anymore…
Sunday, July 16, 2006
OK, it has been a few months since I've lasted posted. A lot has happened over this time period... I have spent it saying goodbye to an old love, and discovering new adventures with a new one. I was introduced to the new man in my life by a co-worker/good friend back in May. I do have to say that it was an up & down month. I was still in the process of 'letting go' of an old boyfriend (a security blanket the last couple of years) when I met Rob. At the time, I was ready to move on, but not quite sure where I wanted things to go... But before we begin with that thought process, let's start with how Rob & I met, shall we?
We were introduced by our friend, Barbie. Originally, we were supposed to meet in April, but plans were cancelled that night because of a migraine. Anyway, on May 5th (Cinco de Mayo), Barbie & I decided to have a Girls' Night. Well, while sitting at a bar, Barbie called up Rob's best friend. The boys decided to join us. So, we decided to go to 4th Dimensions (a pool hall). We hung out, they played pool, I drank & danced... At the end of the night, all I can remember is just having a good time, and giving a Rob a tiny kiss good night.
So, from that point on, we literally have been inseparable (well, with the exception of a one week period in May -- I freaked out about a few things to be left unmentioned). I honestly feel that I have met my soul mate. He's filled a hole in my life that I felt has been missing over the last couple of months. I honestly don't know where my life would be right now without Rob in it. I know I miss him even though he walks out of the room for two seconds. He definitely holds a special place in my heart.
Anyway, that's why I've disappeared... I've gone through a period where I've had to say good-bye to an old boyfriend... Said hello to a new one... Had ups & downs within family & friends... Final decisions about career choices... I've had many positives and a few negatives the last few months... I definitely know now that I am content with where things are... Thank goodness!