Tuesday, August 18, 2015

The Thoughts

I have been through many ups and downs in my life.

Broken hearts, love... Anger, loss... Struggles just to have a life I feel I deserve...

I spent yesterday morning full of resentment. I wasn't exactly angry, per we, but resentful. 

In a way, I acted a bit selfish by putting my needs first. It stemmed from the fact that I didn't want to go to school. I just wanted to lock myself up in my room, bundle up under the blankets, and lay in bed with no one to disturb me - that included my husband, my dad, and even the dog.

I know, due to circumstances, my husband stays home. The way I see it? Hubs can do whatever he wants, go wherever he his able to get to, sleep for as long, or little, as he can or wants. Me? The responsibilities kick in. I have a job where I deal with people I don't want to deal with for eight (VERY LONG) hours. I hate driving. A 15 minute (sometimes 20-25 minutes going home) commute is very long for me. Have I mentioned that I HATE driving? So, just the thought of having to get up to go to work, let alone DRIVE to work, adds to the feelings.

Anyway, to bring everything back to perspective, the resentment carries on. I feel that the burden falls unto me. I feel like I often cannot enjoy the life that I want... I deserve... Now, don't get me wrong. This isn't necessarily directed to anyone.  This is all because of the circumstances of my current life. It all a feeling of no sense of control. I often find it as a punishment where one thing wrong leads to another. I resent the fact that I see people doing things, enjoying things, having things...

I should not feel this way... 

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