Thursday, January 17, 2008

A Time to Reflect – Good-bye, 2007!

It is a little more than two weeks into 2008, and as I sit here and write this, I hold wishes that 2008 will be a positive adventure for me to encounter. My reflection on 2007 has shown me that it definitely had been an up & down experience that I truly will never forget in my lifetime. I definitely came about many challenges last year that has tested my strength and patience.

January started out pretty rough. I began the year at a job that pretty much led to many regrets. Looking after Megan was an everyday process that I did not think was a challenge since I adored that little girl. It was a job that, after much thought after everything happened that I definitely did not want to do. Again, I loved watching that little girl grow-up, especially because of her heart condition. I think that for me not wanting that job pretty much involved the fact of what I thought her father definitely was as a person vs. what he really is as a person. Ernie was very overbearing, AND very demanding… pretty much someone who had high goals in life but did not realize that he relied on others to do much of the hard work. His everyday presentations of himself made Ernie appear like a dedicated worker, but yet still a goofball. He provided for his family by working all hours of the day (or night), no matter what. However, my thinking is that when your own child is afraid of you the instant you walk through that front door that there is definitely something wrong. January also brought on my staph infection that put me in the hospital two weeks into the New Year. I wished that I could take back those two weeks of my life! I never could imagine that with my experience in the medical field that I would allow myself to let that infection get that bad. My clue that things were not OK was the fact that I had an abscess the size of a golf ball growing large everyday under my arm. Life lesson learned! The hospital stay was a traumatic experience as it is, and I am still not quite sure to this day why it would be. However, it definitely felt like it was the loneliest time of my life! I still feel anger towards myself, and the doctor's five-minute examination of my wound was the worst encounter that I never want to go through again! Anyway, the healing process has just begun for me mentally, but looking at the area where they drained the abscess, it is looking great. I occasionally still feel a bit of a pain, or twinge, because of scar tissue still in there. Nevertheless, that is something that will be OK for me to deal with…

February – unemployment for a couple of weeks – employment for a week – Rob's sister got married! :) As the healing process began, my patience with Megan's parents was starting to rattle me a bit. Considering that I mentioned to them that I could not return to work until I got medical clearance (to rule out any heart problems since I complained of chest pains when I got admitted into the hospital), Ernie and his wife (well, mostly Ernie) weren't exactly the most understanding people when it came to regards of my medical condition. In addition to all that had been going on with me, my mother had hurt her back and had been bed-ridden for TWO MONTHS! My poor dad spent those months caring for my mother – getting up to make her meals, help her to the bathroom, sit up in bed, etc. In between those times, while I was in the hospital, he helped bring and pick-up Rob at work and visited me at the hospital to bring me comfort items from home. Therefore, when I saw Ernie at my previous employment (Fortanasce), I explained to him my situation. The ungrateful bastard went through a 'boo-ha-ha' speech. "After everything I've done for you, this is how you treat me," is what he told me… OK, I am in the hospital for a week, you 'reprimand' me because YOUR WIFE was always late for work, and (he mentioned that to me while I was in the hospital)… Moreover, you are thinking is that because your feelings are hurt because of me putting my health and my family as a priority that you are going to let me go? Let me tell you this, I QUIT! However, the opportunity came about when Jamie's nurse at the time, Glenora, referred me to a business owner that ran a respiratory therapy-staffing agency. It was a job position that sounded great on paper – pay was great and I actually had the chance to work in a field that I enjoyed – healthcare and Marketing! Well, that is where it all stopped. This business owner was ridiculous! At first, I thought David at Fortanasce was awful? This person was the KING of worst employers that I have come across! I do not think this guy knew the meaning of respect! He treated me unfairly… Told me to do things without an explanation… Did not give the proper orientation in terms of protocol when it came to scheduling staff for the following month… AND while I was on the phone with a client began yelling at me because I did not do things the way he wanted it to be. Overall … the happiness of the month was Rob celebrating his 23rd birthday and his big sis, Tricia, got married! (It was a beautiful wedding, by the way!)

March came along with the anxiety of being unemployed (again). The restlessness of being at home, and not having the ability to have a steady income or pay the bills, was really starting to get to me – AND I MEAN BAD! I spent most of my days at home, and driving Rob to and from work. I did not really feel like doing anything fun because, again, money was limited. We relied on Rob's income to pay the bills and for me to get medications (thank you, baby!) I had one interview that rather gave me the run around, and finally finding out after two weeks that they had already hired someone. Then, there was that job interview as an administrative assistant where the HR lady literally slapped me in the face by telling me that she did not think that I had the experience to answer phones, schedule appointments, type! Good grief, SHE WAS A MORON!

The end of April FINALLY brought on the good news that I FINALLY got a job, a temp-to-hire position working as a Contract Assistant for an Engineering company in Pasadena. It involved mainly data entry for Contract Administrators creating projects for contracts received in their office. I was a bit apprehensive about this job since it was a bit out of my comfort zone. After working in healthcare for almost seven years, a desk job just inputting information into a computer for 8 hours a day can really take its toll on a person. It actually did after a couple of months, physically… I was so used to being active when working with patients that I definitely understand why someone sitting at a desk all day can have the neck and shoulder pains!

July was a difficult month for me. In one day, you could say that I lost a few things (well, they were not things). The stresses of everyday life began to take its toll on me that my first instinct was to take things out on Rob. I do not necessarily recall what set me off that Tuesday morning, but from that point… Something was triggered off in Rob to the point that he made the decision to move out of the house. Going through that day made it rather difficult for me that I was fuming from anger and in tears that I was sent home early because I was so upset. Of course to top it off, I found out that two of my precious cockatiels, Sally and Stewie, had flown away! That night was an interesting night… I was at Starbucks that night with Jamie, and the tears just could not stop flowing. I was going back and forth with wanting to try to work things out with Rob and wanting to break up with him at the moment. The anger inside built up so much that I even called my ex, Aaron, and told him that I needed to see him tonight. I did not care what my condition was that night… I was headed down to San Diego to see him. Nevertheless, because she's the greatest (and best) friend a girl can have in the world, Jamie followed me home after Starbucks to make sure I did my sulking at home.

Anyway, things have been worked out since then – Rob's back to living at home, but there have a few times in the past couple of months where he would have moved out because of my stupidity and some insecurities. I celebrated my 31st birthday in September – somewhat the way I wanted it… I had my Accounting Class on my birthday that I couldn't miss. However, I got to celebrate the b-day a day later at the Magnolia Lounge in Pasadena… Love that place! Food & drinks were awesome! :) Rob and I actually had our FIRST vacation outside of California together by going to Chicago. Both of us had never been there, and though it was limited for 3 days (and some snow that I actually enjoyed), we look forward to going back over there sometime during the summer to explore a lot more things over there! The holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve) have been celebrated with me sick – I just can't get rid of this darn cold!

Other than that, I'm definitely looking forward to 2008. It's an even year, so I hope that good things are to come for me this year! *Fingers Crossed*

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts and my world with all of you…

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